looks, tests, love and work experience .gif)
i havent wrote a blog entry in ages!! well actually, ive tried a billion times, but the thing is when i get on to neocities ready to write about something, my brain just goes blank and i have no idea where to start! i could talk just about anyones ear right off, but when i get to writing...too much things going on in my head!! .png)
so im gonna try organise all my thoughts, cause theres been a lot that ive wanted to talk about in these past 5 months that ive just,, forgot now T_T like i was sick at some point but i couldnt even tell you when that was cause i forgot, so first! work experience! i missed out on my work experience in yr 10 because i ended up sick with food poisoning that week, i was so upset!! but now that im in yr12, i get one more chance at work experience, and im working at a nursery thats partnered with a uni thats partnered with my school! and i had to go to the uni to have a little talk about it with the person in charge of the whole work exp at the nursery thing with another yr10 girl from my school, they were both really sweet! we get a 1 hour long lunch where we get to walk around the campus or even go off campus! or at least i thought...turns out the nursery ive been assigned to is a literal 5 minute walk away from my school!!!! i wanted to be by the uni campus so bad, and i ended up so far away from it, and instead i ended up right by my school!!!!! im so annoyed!! now, i wont be able to see my friends who are gonna be working near the campus (which is actually all of them!) and im just ughhhhhhhhh so annoyed the campus is so pretty and the fact that im by my school means i dont get that big a change of scenery T_T the worstttttt there was like 3 other nurseries that were all by the uni and i ended up in the only one by my school .png)
but for the hour i have im gonna explore the entire area of streets and parks around my school and get some money from my mom and just make the most out of it! considering i have an hour, i could just go to the uni by bus and meet my friends there! im really trying to make the best of this, cause to be honest, icant wait to work at the nursery!! its gonna be a ton of fun! and im excited to wear some new clothes there too, all though the dress code is all black, i can still make it work! and we have to be careful with jewelery, cause kids like to pull at stuff...but im still excited! its one week, june 29th to july 3rd, so like 3 weeks...next! tests!! now, i ended my mock season like a month ago. horrifying! i havent gotten a single test back yet, but from what im hearing , everyones completely flopped! im so nervous i just never want to get them back!.png)
my friends feel upset about theres, so i dont even wanna think....actually i wont think! i didnt revise very well, so next time i'll revise extra extra hard! .png)
its alevels after all, the real hell of school! next, looks and love (and eventually, some random things i want to speak about) ! they go hand in hand , so lets talk about them ^_^ theres a guy i liked ever since he joined the school and my form class late yr 9 (there was only like a little over a month left of the school term when he joined, i went to my school sixth form and he ended up coming aswell) and to be honest, nothing good has really happened since then. everything thats happened since has either been absolutely nothing or my friends being the most obvious people ever without realising and making me want to die, like so obvious!! so many things have happened that i actually dont really know what to even say,but take it with a grain of salt cause i get sooo scared about this kind of stuff any mention of his name is obvious obvious obvious! and it doesnt help that hes everywhere i go for some reason ! i wish i wasnt so awkward, all ive done is embarass my self!! on to looks, im thinking of starting a beauty blog! now, im not exactly the best at keeping up with blogs,, my baking blog has so much catching up needed! i havent wroten 2 entries, and i need to write about my complete brownie fail that happened, but i feel like a beauty blog is so simple that i really want to make one! you know, jewelery, make up, the new pair of lashes that ive gotten that look really cute that i havent yet tried on, clothes, perfumes, everything! ive got a really cute necklace and bracelet on the way, and some cute pusheen stickers ,, ive brought everything with the eid money ive got, and im so excited for them to come!! 
everything is so cute, hopefully the cuteness rubs off on me a little T_T now , random things im obsessed with / im excited for that i want to yapyapyap about! the list is the world cup, lamine yamal returning to the pitch, vacuum asmr and barcelona coming to my city!! .png)
specifically, barcelona doing a friendly with a team thats literally like 10 minutes away from me!! no idea when the date is, but im going to explode with happiness T_T barca playing against bcfc!! the bcfc thats literally 10 mins away from me! will bcfc get wiped? 100% but thats not my problem! next, lamine yamal is returning soon after his injury that had him out for the rest of the season, but now hell be ready for the opening against cape verde! although im obviously rooting for england, im still love watching spain, considering half of barca and their mom is on the spain team..and theres no rm players ! very very excited for the wc, i really hope england win, there were DEFINITELY some mistakes made with that national list but theres definitely some strong players, i have all the hope i possibly can have though...lots of strong squads! vaccuum asmr i threw in there cause its my recent obsession guys you need to tap in to the vaccuum community and thats all im saying...i really have to do this more often! it feels really nice just speaking about anything and everything!
thanks for all the support everyone! 08/06.26 21:05
comparison is the thief of joy
lately, ive been comparing my self and my work to everyone and everything i see. its really ruined my mood when ever i do anything thats meant to be fun for me, because all i can do is be jealous and want to give up or change everything in my life even if i dont really want to . its become more apparent for my website right now though,, dont get me wrong i cant imagine leaving neocities or giving up on web design anytime soon, but im unhappy with everything i make.. i just keep looking at others work and thinking "wow my page was no where near as pretty/well made/unique as this" even though this was meant to be a source of joy for me. i'll be happy for 2 seconds after finishing something and then jump to hating it and wanting to completely restart,, and i feel like a horrible person for feeling jealous! i even find myself getting caught up in useless and petty things like followers and think that im not good at what im doing and should just give up,, i always think that i should change this and that because this site doesnt look like this and that site doesnt look like this and theyre popular for a reason so i should just change everything.. ive basically gotten caught up in the happiness i get when people like my work and twisted it into something that i rely on to like my work. i dont trust that anything i make is actually good and pretty unless someone else says so.. it makes me feel like im an annoying attention-seeking person and i hate it. i dont know why i cant just trust myself and be like everyone else and believe in myself when i think something is good or bad. weirdly enough, even though i say my site is bad for not looking like any of the other popular ones, i kick myself for "not being unique" and being nothing special in the sea of sites on neocities. its kind of embarassing, but its why i actually called my site "something special" because i wanted to convince myself something. i dont exactly know what i was trying to convince my self, but it all goes back to my complex when it comes to other people liking what i make and prioritising that over if I like what i made. i just keep contradicting myself and making myself my number 1 enemy. no matter what i do, i kick my self for it. its really weird, kind of embarassing and i dont know why im like this! itd be a lot easier to deal with myself if i trusted my self. i need to stop fighting with myself and yet no matter what i just dont let myself feel satisfaction. im really making a big deal over nothing though. this kind of sounds like a compliment-seeking entry but im really just talking about whats been eating away at my brain recently.. like seriously! i dont actually know what im typing anymore, i havent been fully aware since i started typing this entry. i like blogs. theyre nice. you can do whatever and theres no rules or what ever. hopefully i can come to peace with myself and stop seeking for approval,, and once that happens, i hope ill become unstoppable. i am my own person, and i have built the person i am now since i came into this world and had the chance to become a person, no one else can be me and i cant be anyone else! so i just need to stop making big deals out of trivial things. people in the world would kill for this to be their biggest problem, and here i am moping about it. i want to accept myself and be satisfied with who i am, i want to enjoy my own company, i want to be able to think like a normal person, i dont want to be my number one hater, i want to be able to sit in silence with myself and i want to like myself! i dont want to be the way i am, so instead of complaining i need to change into a person i want to be. it sounds easy and yet the person i want to be is not me. i look at other people i know and think "if i ever got the chance to switch lives with this person i would do it in an instant" .. all im doing is repeating my self in this entry right now, but i dont really know what to do . im just complaining about hating myself and not actually doing anything about it! everyone can change, but i just dont know what i want to change into. i hope i find the path to become my best me. and when that happens, i hope i look back on this and think i was an idiot for ever doubting myself,, i hope that when comes soon, because this becoming really exausting...
baiiiiiii im being a party pooper i was about to apologize but i remembered that is my site and i can say whatever i want yayyyyyy also off topic im planning on adding a navigation this for the blog where you can navigate through my entries lots of love 11/01/2026 02:46 WAIIIT 02:49 UPDATE my blog page looks ugly asffffffffffff rn im going to add some TINYYY tweaks im not planning on changing the whole blog and the aesthetic and how it looks maybe ill jsut add some borders here or there idk ok real finish is 02:51
WAITTTTTTTTT PAUSE STOP graphic i made for my baking blog but i scrapped it because it doesnt fit the aesthetic and i want to squeeze it into my index page but also i cant be bothered real real finish 02:58
what to title this...
new blog page! i like it a lot, even if its really basic. trying to wrap my head around the js needed to do this theme switch thing im planning, its actually pretty easy but my lorddddddd are these commas going to kill me like the code deadass wont work if i miss it which makes sense its like missing the ; at the end of your css but stilllllllllllllll this is so annoyingg but i really want to implement this theme switch thing. also winter holidays!!!! actually they started a while ago like over a week ago (dec 19 to be exact) and im sooo happy i wish i never had to go to schoolll to be honest its actually not that bad but waking up early sucks all the life out of my soul. on a different topic , im starting to do baking! well i started a while ago, actually in july during the summer holidays with my older sister, but its soooooo fun i love baking!! my favourite part really has to be doing whatever i want with flavours,, i didnt realise how many different things go well together until i rewatched the great british bake off and woww these guys are absolute geniuses. and obviously i love making everything i bake look pretty - the most recent thing i baked was a chocolate and rasberry tart, with a lemon flavoured short crust pastry and topped with chocolate drizzled raspberries ,, it was my first time not using a recipe!
i decorated it with a edible butterfly thing and sprayed edible glitter all over it because duh im gonna spray edible glitter all over it, i made 12 and it took me 3 and a half hours!! it was also mybiggest success ever i was so happyyy it was really risky already not using a recipe but i took the extra step of making a lemon flavoured short crust pastry instead of going the traditional way and using a chocolate short crust pastry instead , but it actually turned out really well and i didnt end up doign too much with the lemon and the lemon was really nice with the raspberry , definitely happy i decided to conquer my first non-recipe pastry with short crust because i was notttt about to put my self through the hell of lamination its like baking hell for me i hate lamination but god do i love puff pastry . to be honest i just love tarts theyve always been something ive loved with all my heart and now i wanna make something that uses chocolate mousse because i love mousse with everything i have in my heart. also i love profiteroles so muchhhh and going onto something else i baked i made these little salted caramel profiteroles with a salted caramel creme pat and with a thin caramel shell around it with the most useless little whip dot of chantilly cream on top for looks sake and it was my first time making caramel successfully! god caramel is sooo tedious and ive messed it up more times then i can remember but i finally managed it when i was making the profiteroles and i love salted caramel with everything i have and i love choux with every thing i have. i ended up getting a little trigger happy and after my first successful attemmpt of making a batch of 22 profiteroles i made 36 three days later and made what i want to call a tower of profiteroles but in reality i made the leaning tower of pisa because i could not get it to stand up straight for the life of me. on the bright side my parents have been buying me so much ingredients and different shaped tins and little decorations and everything and im so happy that they like what i make considering ive only been doing this for 5 months and im making things that are more then just edible! next im going to make paris brest (choux pastry again wowwww i need to step away from pastry and go back to my cake brownie bread and biscuit roots) and dun dun dun....im going to try make macarons again after 2 sorry attempts..i want to place macarons on top of the paris brest as decoration but i need to not get ahead of myself because i have a real bad feeling this wont end well but you dont know until you try...god i hope this ends well,, anyway i love baking so much and its so fun and everyone should do it even if its just the same cake or the same brownie or the same bread its really so fun and experimenting with everything and anything is the best part,, even if it turns out disgusting and an absolute mess its still so fun !! it so fun that i said fun like 10 times in one sentence. best part, when you get the hang of it, its not just fun, its tasty too! have fun with the dishes though
ok baiii enough baking yapping i didnt even mean to make the whole entry about baking considering the crazy amazing change ive had in my friends and school life thats happened to me but too late cake for everyone also its 2026 tmrw DAMN i shouldve talked about that 03:26 31/12/25
the solar system is bullying neptune
now I don't know no one else has connected the dots when we r in 2025 ad when the universe was made like a zillion years ago but I'm going to guide you through this. Berkeley has been credited to the discovery of 16 superheavy elements. 16/2 is EIGHT, the number of planets in the solar system. now why would you divide it by 2, and what do the 16 elements have to do with the solar system solar bullying Neptune? because the elements in question are called superheavys, and the planets in the solar system are super fucking heavy. trust me. you wouldn't be able to dunk with them. and you divide it by 2 because the 2 heaviest planets are Jupiter and Saturn, and they are the heaviest by a LOOOONG shot. like there wasn't even a competition. if there was everyone would just go home. but ok now that you get it lets move on. we are now left with the 8 planets in the solar system. just by looking at a picture of the solar system, we can tell a few of their dynamics. like how sun is the mother and mercury is the baby. but most of all, you can tell that Jupiter and Saturn are the older siblings of the system (not by size, theyre just big). Let's start with Jupiter. Jupiter is literally nothing but a fatass who eats meteors for breakfast. and he has a MASSIVE pimple that's converged so much rage in him its literally turned to a deadly raging storm. so we can just agree that Jupiter is a bitch who doesn't like anyone and is USING the earth so he can get free meals (although earth is also a bitch for using Jupiter as a planet vacuum shield). but remember. this guy cares about what people think about him to an extent because remember a pimple literally turned into deadly storm because of the rage it converged in him. he gives a LOT of shits. he's like a baby to its mom, he just gives a lot of shits. so when the whole solar system starts shitting on Neptune, do you NOT think he's gonna join in? of course he is. Now on to Saturn, this is a very deep-rooted hatred. she wants that slow blue planet DEAD. you know why? she has 7 MAIN rings. 7. when there's 8 planets in the solar system. there's a ring for everyone except fucking Neptune. "how can you tell Neptune doesn't get a Saturn-devoted ring, what if one of the other planets is the one who Saturn hates?" cause the only smart one is Earth , cause he HAS to be a smarty pants since he is the sole reason that 9 billion humans are alive. you know, the species who discovered these arrogant bitches and made them known. Earth's also like the only planet who knows wtf a education means. and since ALL the other planets are braindead, they just go in order from first planet to last, cause they cant count, they're planets (unless ur Earth) so Saturn is just passing them down from her left. she has like a 1000 rings (the seven rings are the main ones), do you not think she could've just squeezed in room for another one? of course she could. but she didn't want to. because she fucking hates neptune. and Earth isn't gonna say shit because he doesnt wanna risk being the one with who Saturn didn't devote a ring to. and remember , Saturn is one the the older siblings of the group, shes influential. if shes bullying Neptune, they are ALL bullying Neptune. but that begs the question, why Neptune? and that's easy. hes the slowest, so he's already being left behind. but there's more. from the dynamics we've viewed, its easy to say the solar system has a size hiearchy. the bigger the more influential. but the small ones r cute babies. Neptune is the middle child. literally he is right in the middle when you measure smallest to largest and vice versa. WHO GAF ABOUT THE MIDDLE CHILD. NOT THEM. THEYRE HAPPY HIS ASS IS AT THE END . THATS WHY YOU SAY "...and Neptune" WHEN LISTING PLANETS IN ORDER FROM CLOSEST TO THE SUN. THEY HAVE GRAMMAR AGAINST HIS ASS. THE SUN DOESNT LIKE HIM EITHER. THEYRE NOT EVEN SOCIAL DISTANCING. THEYRE "I am repulsed by the fact that you are noticed as a planet that is in my radius" DISTANCING. FREE HIM!! WHAT DID HE DO EXCEPT BE SMALL BLUE MIDDLE CHILD SLOW AND THE FURTHEST FROM THE SUN. NOTHING!! HE DOESNT LIKE BEING ISOLATED. HE JUST WANTS TO BE NORMAL PLANET. FREE HIM!!!!!!!ok bai 0:202 16/08/25
this damn game.
after 3 years of abandonment i return to my edible children again and DAMN this game is different. i started this game in 2021 back when pv server was the only option and that was a MISTAKE. im broke asf so i cant buy anything and everyone here is RICH like elon musks child rich how is my little mango cookie meant to beat a war lord. also WTF is a beast cookie ad why r they so good i literally can not get one for the lifw of me and they strong as hell cause why is a 90k power burning spice cookie demolishing my 540k power mango cookie stop. he is just a little cookie. be nice. also I GOT 2 FROST QUEEN COOKIES SOMEHOW?? liek literally 2 single pulls in a row. and then my luck dried up there and ive gotten 2 epics in the past 80 pulls. also tbh my team is ASSS lmao like not as in the cookies arent meta its that my team is 1 front and 4 middles. dark cacao cookie mango cookie peach blossom cookie white lily cookie and black pearl cookie. and theyre interchangable with golden cheese and stardust which are ALSO middles LMAOOO dark cacao is like my diversity hire but idgaf about meta as long as theyre pretty i love my princesses. also i need shadow milk cookie. because im pissed that he keeps BEATING me in arena. IM SO SICK OF IT AS SOON AS I GET HIM EVERYONE IS FACING HIS WRATH or maybe not cause my cookie building skills are shit also SURPRISE hes another middle they are fighting for that space i hate these damn gay fag jesters. also i saw this absolute steal of a welcome package for £2 but i used all my babysitting money on ice cream and blue lock merch whose shocked so i played one of those playtime play games for money thing and got £2 so im jusr waiting for the google play code to come. also btw I KNOW ITS REAL ive used this exact same app before and it works fine and it better work again because my ass played coin master for 6 hours. its ok because all i need is my mango cookie its just me and him against the world i love my son
i return ti this site again and hopefully i stay ok BYE also ego jinpachi KILL YOURSELF nagireo please survive and bachira meguru keep being a pretty princess those are my bllk 299 notes BYE 18:29 15/04/25
i love shopping...
me and all my siblings went out today! and i used all £40 .... but idgaf im so happy!!! i bought volume 12 of blue lock, a hello kitty keychain and an eren keychain! hes so cute i love him.... i wanted to buy blue lock merch so bad but ALL the shops had none hello??? you got mashle merch but no blue lock?? i was so tempted to buy the finn keychain,,he was eating a cookie he was socsososo cute i loev him..i also bought a gift for my friend! nothimg much, just a makeup palette and a 4 set of perfume (absolute STEAL btw they were both £12 together this is why i love superdrug) but i was a little sad because the only store w the gachiakuta volumes was waterstones anf they only had volume 1 but i wanted volume 6 because i want the tamsy volume..i also had NO money for food i feel like spending all ur money on merch and not having any left to eat is a fangirl canon event,, but my brother bought me food instead so IDC ill be spending all my money again also we were out for 4 whole ass hours just for me to buy like 5 things ,, heres the keychains i bought THEY R SO CUTEEEEE
ok byeye 19:43 31/03/25 ♡
new blog!
MY BLOG PAGE IS FINISHEDDDDDDD and im so happy with it i really like it rn! i like the aesthetic i went for with this, and im happy i didnt scrap it like i was thinking of doing.....anyways today was eid! i had so much fun today and i cant wait to go to town tmrw and use all my money on bachira merch (gachiakuta anime needs to hurry up and come cause i need tamsy merch NOW) honestly so excited i might post a haul on the blog tmrw because i feel like all £40 i got is GOING tomorrow,, i also had so much fun preparing for eid! i didnt have time to wear makeup during ramadan, so i had so much fun putting it on again my makeup was so neglected by highlighter palette had DUST on it...felt like discovering an ancient script also my eid dress was SO pretty and i had so much matching jewelery with it but DOWNSIDE that shit was itchy af and my pants kept falling down genuinely HELL but now my itchy ass dress is off my makeup is off my earrings are off my bangals are off my jewelery is off my heels are off my hair is tied up and my ugly ass peter rabbit pajamas that look like theyve been an ancient artifact since 2000bce are ON and LORDDDDD i feel so free im just in my bed eating mitai anf coding and talking to my friends and its HEAVEN also so happy im having the day off tmrw...im gonna leave the blog post at that, its short but o just wanted to get something down for my first blog post!! ((๑╹ω╹๑ )byeyey 22:02 30/03/25 ♡
